Bush Whacking

Who sings that song? It goes, “You’re so vain. I bet you think this song is about you, don’t you, don’t you?”

Oh yes.

Carly Simon.

Well, I’m going to write a new one. And it’s going to go like this:

“You’re so vain. I bet you think this Facebook status is about you, don’t you, don’t you?”

Seriously.

Has this ever happened to you? I mean really.

I was once accused of being passive aggressive in a Facebook status.

Excuse me for a minute. I must now temporarily collapse while rolling around and around on the floor laughing hsyterically because THAT.

Is funny.

Anyone who knows me for more than two minutes knows there is nothing about me that could ever be construed as passive. If I don’t like you, I don’t beat around the bush. I beat you with the bush (or any handy shrub I can find).

Okay, not literally. Whacking someone with a bush isn’t exactly legal. But what I am going to do is let you know what I think. And there is nothing passive about that. Over the years I have gotten better at using more discretion. Which for me basically means that now when someone makes me mad I don’t tell them to bite me.

At least not right away.

In corporate America, the Meyer’s Briggs personality test is hugely popular and it rates different components of your personality. According to its assessment, Audra is Emotional, Intuitive, and Judging. Not the worst combo. It does mean that even though I’m emotional, I am usually spot on when it comes to deciphering people’s motivations. And then I swiftly categorize them accordingly.

These are wonderful attributes for my career in sales. I connect with people on a human level, figure out their motivations, and then definitively make recommendations that match their goals. Over and over, people trust me and selling comes easy for me. And it’s not manipulative; it’s just a fantastic fit for my personality. If you have a problem, I’ll tell you if I can sell you something that’s going to fix said problem.

And.

I don’t beat around the bush.

Although in my personal life, sometimes this isn’t such a good thing. My candor is great for my career, but not so great in the rest of my life in conflict situations when emotions are running high. In those cases, sometimes the best thing to say is nothing.

Yeah, I am working on that one.

So in the meantime, anyone who knows me can at least trust this fact:

How I feel will never resemble any level of encryption.

Because if I write a song about you, or a Facebook status for that matter, the last person you'll need to consult.

Is Carly Simon.