What WAS I thinking? Apparently nothing much.

Facebook is something the whole world is still trying to figure out. It's this mysterious snap shot of what's on someone's mind from time to time. Personally? I think I am a deep person. I read classic literature, contemplate the vastness of the universe, and work hard to instill meaningful values in my children.

Although you'd never know I had a brain at all if you based my intellectual capacity on the content of my random Facebook status updates. My rants read like the musings of a freak show with about as much depth as a mud puddle in the Sahara.

Yeah, well. It's Facebook.

It's not my personal manifesto by any stretch of the social networking imagination. What it is is a series of little moments and passing musings that I feel like throwing out into into the internet universe. I will confess, I try to share silly stuff whenever possible. I learned that from my Dad, he's always laughing. If hostile aliens took over the planet he'd be the guy cracking jokes even as Scotty beamed him up. The guy invented the silver lining philosophy, I swear.

I think that's a good way to live, personally.

So here are my top ten most recent Facebook status updates that many people have hit the "Like" on . . . as an illustration:

When the new automated garbage trucks come for pick up every week I can't help but think about those little alien guys in Toy Story every single time...."Oooohhhhh....The Cllllllaaaaaaaawwwwwwwww........"

It was so calming getting ready this morning with the electricity out, the rain falling, eating breakfast by candlelight. Told the kids we should seriously consider going Amish.

Tampons. Fiber One bars. And a toothbrush. This is my grocery list. Weird.......

Kinda wish I'd been an archeologist.

Smelly cat...smelly cat...what have they been feeding you....Smelly cat....smelly cat...it's not your fault . . .

Cancelled my Match.com account...R.I.P. online dating....I could find better quality men at a strip club.

Is it just me or did red lights used to last an eternity before texting existed? Now they seem like a freaking time warp when I want to send a text.

Great run around some lake in Eden Prairie just now. Minus the shin splints, lightening, and goose attack.

My kid is making up a song about how much she loves beef jerky. Set to Lady GaGa's Bad Romance. Gotta love road trips . . .

I sewed my daughter's pool pass onto her swimsuit . . . in the crotch. If that is proof I didn't have the best day today, I don't know what is. (Don't worry, I did take it off and attach it somewhere more Rated G. Can you imagine? "Lemme see your pool pass kiddo..." Um. Yeah....)

And...my all time favorite status update ever which I can not take credit for. It belongs to my ex-husband's aunt, she's a real nut (in a good way!). I don't want to know what on EARTH she was doing when she broke out her blackberry and decided to type this little tidbit in but it made me chuckle just the same:

HONK if you love the dump!

Now if that isn't finding the silver lining in a mundane life task....I don't know what is.

Girl Talk

As the mother of two daughters and the owner of one female feline there’s a lot of estrogen going on at my house.

Girl talk. Girl time. Everything girl rules most topics. Boys, bras, and boisterous gatherings.

Ahhhh . . . life on the pink side. ‘Tis lovely.

I have full physical custody of my daughters. This means that my life is consumed with glamorous things like laundry, vacuuming, and meal planning. I once heard that if you are lucky enough to live to be 90 and look back on your life as a pie chart, the slice during which you had children at home will be merely a sliver, hardly a full serving. Therefore I embrace every moment with my daughters. My oldest one turns sweet sixteen next week. And before I can say training bra I know my youngest will soon be chasing the skirts of womanhood as well.

And as I skillfully balance the day to day of making macaroni and cheese with making sure homework is done I also imagine their tomorrows and make sure to impress upon my daughters life lessons that will keep them resilient when I am not there.

One of which is the importance of girlfriends.

Girlfriends are the glue that holds life together when it crumples in your hands like an autumn leaf, they are the most necessary support you can cultivate, more so than Vicky’s most secretive secret. They are the hugs you need when life leaves you lonely, the laughter that fills you when you’re empty, and the soothing words when the silence is loud.

So here’s a picture of me from this weekend. My girls were with their dad so I sought out the other girls in my world who make my life sweet.

Sipping wine at a rooftop restaurant. Hugs, laughter, and words of wisdom were plenty.

Here’s to my girlfriends and all the girls of the world.

Who possess always the magical powers to turn an upside down world.

Right side up.

I Love Men

After last week I figure I should officially make that announcement should anyone assume otherwise.

Just because I choose to write mostly about my (failed) relationships that is not an automatic translation into man hating land. Yeah, many of the men who’ve crossed my romantic path haven’t panned out but that is hardly a testament to testoerone’s inferior ranking.

On the love front in particular, I have two ex-boyfriends and an ex-husband who I respect immensely and who have been there for me on more than one occasion . . . as friends. In fact, I don’t think I could have gotten through this most recent dating debacle without the affirmation of one of my ex-romantic interests.

“He’s a douche bag, Audra! This wasn’t your fault, you’re trusting and wonderful. HIS LOSS.”

(Thanks, Bobby. You always did have a way with words.)

And of course, my family is made up of many men who hold the pillars of my life story in their strong arms. My dad, the eternal jokester, who’s made me laugh all of my life and instilled a similar sense of humor within my being. My grandpa, handy man extrodinaire. The last time he was at my house he insisted on WD40ing every hinge in my house. I shall never creak or squeak again with Grandpa around. And my brother, the favorite uncle who gives endless four wheeler rides and makes up silly jokes with his two nieces. My daughter’s lives are full of adventurous jump ditching and endless laughter thanks to him.

How could I hate men with these great guys all around me?

And of course, the boyfriends and husbands of all of my friends provide a steady presence when I need to borrow them. Anna’s husband took me to the vet to put a pet down on a difficult summer’s day. His quiet compassion enveloped me as he handed me tissue after tissue and consistently assured me I’d done the loving thing on the long drive home.

In other damsel in distress moments, Carmen’s cop boyfriend will rush over immediately if I am ever scared (what was that noise? Do I have an intruder?).

“I’ll be right over, Audra. With the gun.”

And of course, age old friendships I’ve cultivated with boys who have become men sustain me year after year. One monitors my moods via my Facebook status. The moment I post anything cryptic, he’s right there.

“Hey, saw your post. You okay? Need a drink? Or ten?”

Men, at least the ones in my life, are wonderful.

Every single one.

Eventually I’ll find one to play a romantic role, I’m sure.

But in the meantime?

I’ve got plenty of help in life at times that require someone be branded a “douche,” WD40 be administered, alcohol be consumed , or a gun be displayed.

Thanks, guys.

You’re the best!

Happy Monday!

Just a quick note wishing you all a joyful week!

I'll post a "story" by tomorrow . . . but I wanted to pop in quickly and let you know I'm hardly on the floor after last week's unexpected twist in the road. I had a wonderful weekend with my children and went for two long glorious runs along the river.

Speaking of roads . . . last night as I was pounding out mile 4 I turned a curve in the path and the evening sun was gleaming through the trees dotting the river bank. Spheres of fluffy cotton seeds glowed in the sparkling light, their orbits dancing all around me as I chased my long lean shadow home.

Life is a rose bush.

Full of thorns.

And forever beautiful . . .

Love,
~Audra

Dear Daphne . . .

I didn’t know.

I didn’t know back in the beginning of April that the very witty guy who emailed me on Match.com and made me laugh had been making you laugh since December. I didn't know he'd told you he'd deactivated his online profile months ago.

I didn’t know that when he and I met for drinks a week later that you assumed he was spending the evening with his children. When he and I visited over Pinot and he told me he hadn’t dated in a long time I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to believe him.

A week later when I appeared on the radio to promote my blog I didn’t know that when he texted me afterward to ask me to dinner that he always made excuses to not go out in public with you.

The first week in May when he sat in my kitchen for hours and talked with me after helping me put an old appliance on the curb for spring cleaning week I didn’t know that you were going to attend a Butch Walker concert with him that weekend.

As the weeks progressed along with my relationship with this charming man I didn’t know you even existed.

When he played sports in the evenings I didn’t know that afterward he went to your house to shower and spend time with you. I thought he was doing paperwork.

When he came to fix my daughter’s swing set, the kid I’ve nicknamed “Monkey,” I didn’t know there was a woman to whom he’d assigned a similar term of endearment to and that you were his “little monkey.”

In June when I asked him if he was dating anyone else as he laid on my bed and kissed me, I didn’t know that when he said “No” he was promoting a charade.

When I told him about how I'd been betrayed in a relationship last year I didn't know you'd shared a simliar loss and that he was well aware of how fragile the hearts were that were in his hands.

When I commented on his clothes I didn’t know you’d bought them for him.

When I asked him if we could change our Facebook status and he said no and made fun of me for being juvenile because Facebook is stupid I didn’t know I should question his reasoning.

When I introduced him to all of my friends as my boyfriend at the end of June I didn’t know that I was sharing him.

I didn't know that he had segregated his life into two social circles.

One with you.

One with me.

When his children were out of town and he invited me to stay at his house I didn’t know that he was choreographing time between the two of us and that you were invited the next night.

When he asked me to park in the garage because the mosquitoes were bad I didn’t know he was hiding my car.

All these other couples that the two of you would hang out with together are names I never heard. I didn’t know those people existed.

When he started to resist being out in public with me I didn’t know it was because he had something to hide, I thought it was because he wanted to hold me in his arms in private.

When he cancelled on me last minute as I was preparing to join him at the lake with his friends and children I didn’t know he did that because you were already there.

When he texted me on my birthday when I was out of town I didn’t know he couldn’t call me because you were sitting right beside him.

I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to believe him when he said he was having second thoughts about having me spend an afternoon with his children and that the real reason was because you were with him.

When he was always busy working or spending time with his kids I didn’t know I was supposed to question those good things and that instead those were the times he was with you.

I didn’t know someone could be so cruel. I didn’t know someone could lie so often and so effortlessly. I didn't know someone could be so calculating. I didn’t realize that deceit existed on this level. I didn’t know that someone could fabricate untruths with such ease. I didn’t know that when he told me my expectations were too high and that if I wanted a real relationship I needed to slow down that he was only trying to buy more time to continue his cunning charade.

I didn’t know he was a cheating on you.

I didn’t know he was cheating on me.

I simply.

Did not know.

But now I do.

And you do too.

From April to July we were not treated as people worthy of compassion and honesty, we were treated as pawns in a giant game of control and deception. But that game is over and if I know anything now, Daphne, I know this:

You will stop crying. You will get out of bed. You will find your strength and voice again and you will go on. You will be resilient. You will learn a lot about yourself. You will find threads of force within your being that you did not know existed. And you will weave those threads into a rope that you will use to propel yourself forward, to pull yourself up out of this hole that you did not dig but were thrust into. For you are a woman, a strong woman, a woman who will not give the power to this flawed and awful man to determine your self worth and value as a human being.

And even though today you can’t fathom this truth, I know it with all my heart and soul:

You will forget him.

I will forget him.

And I will be there with you, my sister in sadness. As will every woman who has ever hurt so deeply she has felt her soul vaporize like a gasp in that awful instant when lies become truth.

I know today it hurts. It hurts terribly. I'm crying too.

But I also know after all these awful days stretch out there will be a day when the sun shines on our hearts again.

And I know.

We will go on.

Heads held high. Scars and all.

Hold on to me. I won't let you drown.

Love and blessing, let's make this ugly thing beautiful. Here's to shining new friendship in the darkness.

~Audra

(Always here for you "Blondie" . . . love "Chronicle Girl" . . . )

My Readers Reply to "Dear Daphne" . . .

There "Dear Daphne" letter was originally published on July 13th, the day after she and I discovered this deceit. I was invited to appear on KFGO the next day as I appear regularly to promote my blog. I read the letter on the air and the response has been astounding. The response was so positive that KFGO has been repeatedly airing my reading of the letter on the air throughout this week. I'll post an audio link soon . . .

There is a "Comments" section at the end of each blog post and I want to thank those of you who took time to write your heartfelt and compassionate thoughts. When "D" read them her response was . . . "my heart is soaring." Thank you for demonstrating such love . . . I have reposted the immediate commentary this letter received for easier access in a post of its own. If you wish to add your thoughts please click on the "comments" link at the end of either this post or the "Dear Daphne" letter post . . .

Love and Blessings, ~Audra


Anonymous said...
I am not sure you should (or will want to) post this. I just want you to know that I know "D" very well...you see...I am her mother. I know that this beautiful woman has been hurt by more than one man...and she doesn't deserve it. She is smart, sincere, has a good job,and is beautiful both inside and out. If she has any faults it is that she is too trusting...too kind,too loyal, and too generous...the very things that people should strive for...fail her. I would like to believe that she was shown these good things by her parents...but I believe that they just come naturally to her...she is just that kind of person. I know that there is the right "someone" out there for her and I tell her not to give up...he WILL come along. I hope for your sake that Mr. Right will come into your life as well. Thank you for being so kind and 'being there' for "D"...you couldn't find a better friend.
July 13, 2010 5:29 PM

OarFan5 said...
Wow...never met D's Mom before, but I love her comments...and knowing D pretty well, I totally agree with her. D couldn't be more due for a future of kindness, gentleness, and for someone to wrap his arms around her and be the proudest guy in the room everywhere they go.And I'd repeat that sentiment for you, too, Audra. Excellent blog...in so many art forms pain seems to bring out awesome creativity, and your blog this week is no exception. (That being said, I'd rather read boring blogs and you be happy!)Peace.
July 13, 2010 6:17 PM

SLS said...
*tears*I am SO sorry for both of you. I also know D very well...and if there's anyone who is due for a loving, supportive, respectable relationship, it's D. Neither of you deserve this and I'm very sorry you have to go through it. Audra, this letter to D is brilliantly written. How you have embraced her is selfless and honorable...I don't think many people would have reacted the way you have. Thank you for taking my friend in your arms. Thank you for being strong for her. Thank you for your courage to lead her through this only to come out on the other side with your heads held high.To D: I've said it before, I'll say it again: stay strong. Don't be defeated by this. You deserve so much better. As your mom said, you are a kind, smart, caring, giving, loving, sincere woman who deserves a man who is willing (not to mention able) to give you those things in return. He is out there...don't give up on that.Love you...and Audra, I can't wait to meet you. =)
July 13, 2010 8:02 PM

Audra said...
To D's mama bear, What beautiful commentary. Your family has been through a great deal, but it looks also that there is a great deal of something more than just loss . . . love. Although the circumstances have been adverse the past few days, I welcome D's presence in my life. I feel blessed to know her . . .Love,Audra
July 13, 2010 8:03 PM

Anonymous said...
Audra: I always knew you were one of those students that was "special." Special to others, special to me, special in your resiliency...your purpose of life? Well, I think you found your calling...you know this happened for a reason...all things do...you and "D" will form a bond that will withstand tests of time and trial...you have just started to see that...I kept the rope of sand picture you drew in high school for a long time...you did not weave a rope of sand Audra...you wove a rope of strength...you are perhaps the best thing that has happened to "D" in a long time...I read this to my 19 year old son (because you will forever be 19 in my mind...and because he is a guy). Braeden says "remind them both that not all guys are jerks...not all guys should be labeled because of a bad few...they deserve better, and if they are patient, one of the good ones will find them, probably when they are not even looking..." Well, I thought it was pretty insightful for a 19 year old guy...Always there for you....:) CJH
July 13, 2010 9:53 PM

Kellie said...
Wow, Audra....It is so unfortunate about the circumstances behind your blog post...I hope you realize that when you read it back for yourself it is one of the most beautiful, heart-wrenching "stories" that is obviously full of your raw emotions...We as readers are in awe of your words, yet we feel so sorry for the pain that has caused you to write them.For both you and "D"- This person is not a man, he is not even a human being. For someone to do this so coldly, so calculating, it is beyond belief. Please don't let this person change who you are...Don't let him take away your trust in others and your right to love and be loved in return. Don't let this person do this to others. Tell on him, rat him out, purchase a billboard, do whatever it takes because maybe, just maybe, you will give another woman the information she needs so that she will never trust her heart with this scumbag...
July 14, 2010 12:10 AM

Anonymous said...
"D"Sorry that you have joined this awful club. With love I suggest you read the Healing Library on SurvivingInfidelity.com. I personally know that it is hard to never quite get the 'why's and how could he' of this situation. I know that betrayal reaches to the core of you with stabbing pain. I know that it questions everything that you thought was you. I know it sends you in a tail spin of questions: 'Did I do the right thing, should I have asked different questions, maybe if I had done something differently it would not have happened?' And even the biggie... 'but, I still love him - How will I get over this?' It is a roller coaster ride of ups and downs, twists and turns.And the only thing that works to slow that roller coaster down is time. You need to heal. Healing takes time. Healing takes work. Healing takes patience. talk. cry. write. wear pink. and just know, that you are loved.
July 14, 2010 9:13 AM

Audra said...
This empathetic woman asked me to share her commentary, she sent me this in an email and asked me to post it here:

Audra,Great Blog! Very Impressive and well written.For D....I feel your pain! I went through something very similiar..not just once..but twice! The first time it happened my ex met his "soul mate" while vacationing with my dad and brother!! He traveled back and forth Fargo to be with her! The second time was the last time. While he was sending me 6 dozen roses..for the 6 years we were married..he was sending the "other woman" the same roses and sharing the bedroom! I look back now and even though it was the most difficult thing that I had ever done..it was the best thing I had ever done! I drew all my strength and decided to move on. Two months ago (after being divorced for 6 years) I married the love of my life and all I can tell both of you is that it was so worth the wait! You have to be strong and stay positive. I, like you, trust too easily and always give others the benefit of the doubt! If I can get through this anyone can! You will look back on this..and even though it is hard now..you will thank the Lord that you are able to move on with your life and find true happiness! I am the happiest I have ever been in my entire life and it will happen to you too! Stay strong and stay focused! Surround yourself with good friends and family! You will need them now more than ever! My thoughts are with you!!
July 14, 2010 10:00 AM

Anonymous said...
Great writing, terrible story in that you and "D" were both hurt. It amazes me how people, whether it's men or women can do this with no guilt and so coldly. He will get his. I truly believe in the saying, "What goes around, comes around." A cheater will one day be cheated on.
July 14, 2010 5:09 PM

Audra said...
The comments you have taken the time to put up have been very uplifting for both me and "D" . . . thank you for taking the time to write such heartfelt sentiments and compassion . . . we are both so gratefulfor for your embrace. I chose to delete a few comments, not because they weren't wonderful, but because they called out identifying information about "him" and as a professional writer I can't identify others in my writing without their permission. Those are my professional parameters for my blog, it is one of the reasons it is so popular. My email address is fourgirlsonestory@gmail.com if you would like to email me commentary that doesn't fall under those parameters, I am always happy to hear from my loyal readers.Blessings . . . ~Audra
July 15, 2010 6:37 AM

Anonymous said...
Very well written Audra, brings back memories of how I hurt someone a long time ago much in the same way. I am embarrassed to even mention it, but it's a reminder to me that I will never let it happen again. The hurt and the pain that was caused is unexplainable and will never be forgotten, but time has gone on and people have healed, forgiven and learned huge lessons to live the rest of our lives by. Thank you again for taking the time to write this and remind us that we all need to treat people as we would expect to be treated. Happiness is out there for all of us.
July 15, 2010 12:19 PM

Rockin' the Radio Waves

My last blog post was SO popular that KFGO invited me to be a last minute guest last night! It was a great show. I got to read my letter to Daphne on the air and discuss the larger topics this experience introduced. What motivates such deceit? Is cheating rampant in our society? Has being faithful gone out of style?

I'll upload the podcast for download in the next day or two for those of you who missed it.

Thank you for your endless love and support! I have the best readers in the world.

Blessings . . .
~Audra

You can not even imagine....

....the story I am going to write . . .

This is real time, folks. Can you say CHEATING SLIMEBALL?!?!?

It's still unfolding so please come back soon . . . :( :(

~Audra

Big Love

When I was pregnant with my second daughter I was so huge that when I turned to the side I looked like I was having a German shepherd. From the very beginning nothing about this kid has been small.

The moment her lungs hit air her voice was big. Her personality too large for that little baby body.

At twelve months she endlessly began to inquire, “What dat?” unleashing her big curiosity. At fourteen months she didn’t call her dad “DaDa,” instead she emulated me and branded him, “Honey.” From her highchair she could be heard sweetly, yet loudly, demanding that “honey” bring her “mo mok!” (more milk).

“Honey” would comply.

But not because baby always got her way, but because baby’s love was her biggest big of all.

Big kisses, big hugs. Big, “Love you!” She couldn’t snuggle enough, she couldn’t kiss you enough.

And when she was mad? She couldn’t throw a big enough fit.

This demanding little dynamo is now nine years old and her personality gets bigger by the day.

She makes her friends big presents, she plans big sleepovers, and she never leaves a room without everyone in the vicinity being notified by the resulting silence that she has, indeed, left the building.

Her moods are not mysterious. Not even Helen Keller would be in the dark if she knew this child.

My first daughter, although equally as wonderful, was nothing like this. And is nothing like this.

When she was three years old her father and I marveled at what amazing parents we were. She never had a tantrum, always complied, and was basically, an angel. I seriously wondered if I’d given birth to a saint.

She was that good.

“We should write a book on parenting,” we would tell ourselves every time we’d witness a toddler in full on terrible two’s form. Obviously we were parenting wonders harboring mystical wisdom.

Then.

We had our second child.

And threw all that thinking down the diaper bin.

As plentiful as the stars in the sky, so are the personalities of people. None of us are identical, all of us are unique fingerprints of humanity.

And anyone with more than one child will say “Amen, sista!” to that.

Nature versus nurture.

It’s a mystery.

Our two daughters were reared in virtually identical fashions. For whatever reason the first one was so compliant the cat could have raised her. The second one? Well, let’s just say the cat has been through a lot. (Sorry about that whisker incident, Dolly. At least they grew back?)

I love both my daughters to absolute pieces and celebrate the qualities that make them who they are. One is on her way to being an artist. I can see her living the creative life in a funky studio apartment someday and going to alternative concerts every weekend, maybe even designing the album covers for her favorite bands, sharing her gifts and impacting the world around with her talent and passions. Quietly.

The other? She is going to be a woman who is going to rock the world, an attorney who doesn’t back down, who fights for justice and stands up for the underdog. Or maybe she’ll be the activist who marches on Washington, speaks from her heart, and lobbies for change while pumping signs of protests (designed by her quieter sister).

We are all gifted in some way and blessed with talents that pepper the world with human qualities as unique as the sound of our voices. And as the mother of two of those very opposite voices, it is my job to simultaneously guide without stifling, nurture without demanding, and allow my daughters to become the women they are someday meant to be.

The world is counting on me to do just that.

And I plan to.

In a big way.

(That is if my second daughter gets out of her time out chair in time for college . . . .)

********************************
I wrote this post for all the parents in the world who wake up every day and just do the best they can. Who sometimes fail but always try.

For the parents who even though they aren't perfect, provide their children with the best possible thing you can do to guarantee their success and happiness in the world:

Love.

(I love you, my little Peanut Butter. Love, Mommy Butter.)

Happy 4th of July!

I'll be back on Thursday . . . hope you all had a wonderful holiday weekend with your families.

God bless!
~Audra