Chapter Twenty; Joy and Pain. Sunshine. And Rain.

Nick texts me for the next 24 hours like nothing has happened. He’s witty. He’s charming. He’s missed me.

We decide to talk on Sunday. My house.

And this is the part.

Where Audra Strong Confident Woman becomes Audra Insecure Needy Girl.

Case in point, I agonize over what to wear. I want to look incredible. But it’s a Sunday and I am home. What am I supposed to do? Time his arrival so he catches me in my front yard wearing Vera Wang and remark, “Oh, this old rag?” when he comments on the sequined floor length formal attire I just so happen to be wearing while I weed the flower garden?

Exactly. Ripped jean shorts and a tank top it is.

Hey, if I can’t be stunning, I might as well be unintentionally sexy (intentionally).

When I hear the tell tale rumble of his motorcycle I feel like throwing up. I am that nervous.

And then there he is. Standing at my back door. Oakley shades, baseball hat, and a backpack swung over his broad shoulder.

I open the door. And he walks into my kitchen.

And back into my life.

“I missed you.” My voice cracks and betrays my vulnerability.

“Me too.”

For two hours we talk in the Sunday sunshine of my formal living room, hashing out this crazy momentum, what we’re doing, and how we feel. He talks more than I do and I listen, hinging hope on every syllable he utters.

So when he leans across the couch, puts my face in his hands and kisses me . . . I feel like the upside down place that my world turned into six days ago is suddenly right side up again.

And when he takes my hand and leads me upstairs I feel like this is the point where the next part of my life, the happy part, is starting. This is it. He is the one I’ve been waiting for all of my life. I know it like I know my name. Love is real. It is not a fairy tale. You can touch it, feel it, and taste it.

The sun shines all around us that entire afternoon. Bright and beautiful, lighting the way. And it shines every day that week. On my life. And in my heart.

Until four days later.

When Nick sends me an email that starts with, “This is the hardest letter I’ve ever had to write.”

And all the light in my life.

Goes out.

But I don't cry in the darkness this time. Oh. No.

Instead, Audra Insecure Needy Girl.

Transforms into Audra One Pissed Off Woman.

You see, this email came into my blackberry. And I just happened to be three blocks from the fire station when I read it, where Nick is at right now. Coincidentally sending me his "Dear Jane letter" from the same computer he sat at when he first friend requested me on Facebook.

So yep. I hit reply. But my words are anything but a surrender.

Come outside. And say it to my face.

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In case anyone is wondering, the date I wore the shorts and tank top was Sunday, August 23rd. The blog is not real time . . . I WISH I could wear shorts in November in this part of the country!

Thank you for reading Dating Land, see you Thursday!
~Audra