Chapter Twenty Two; Where there's Smoke there's Fire

“This is bull shit. A steaming pile of fresh bull shit. In fact, it’s the shittiest shit a bull’s ever shit. I’ll tell you that right now.” Naomi has just learned about my latest roller coaster plummet with Nick. And let’s just say she isn’t much of a Six Flags fan. “So where did this crapola leave off? Are you done or what?” she demands.

“Not exactly.” I shift my cell phone to my other ear. “He just wants time. He’s got a lot to sort through.”

“Time? Time for what? Weren’t you guys basically broken up all last week? Wasn’t that time? What the flip is his problem? Didn’t you just get back together on Sunday? What happened to Mr. I’m going to steal your tennis shoes so you don’t run away from me? What happened to Mr. I have to have your beautiful face on my blackberry as a screensaver? Was there an alien abduction we should know about? And did the aliens look like Katy Perry? Because he sounds like he helped her write the lyrics to that Hot and Cold song.”

“Funny, I had the same thought.”

“Damn right! Every time you call me I never know what you’re going to say with this guy. At this point he’s so unpredictable he makes my bi-polar aunt suffering from Alzheimer’s look stable . In fact? I give up. Please tell me you are giving up too. I teach high school and Nick’s drama would put most of my sophomore girls to shame.”

“No, Naomi, I’m not giving up. He was so brutally honest with me at the fire station, so vulnerable. I feel like it was a very profound conversation. I can’t just give up now. I feel like I am finally starting to understand him.”

“Mmmm hmmm.” Her disapproval is not subtle. “Yes, plastic please.”

“Are you at the grocery store again?”

“Heck yeah. I am raising sons you know. Feeding these guys is a part time job.” Her voice muffles briefly but I still can make out her orders to the bag boy. “Yes, I’ll take drive up, thank you.”

“Are you sure you can talk? Is now really a good time?”

“Honey, if I only talked to you when it was a good time I’d never talk to you. My life is more insane than an umbrella wielding bald Britney.”

And that’s an understatement. Naomi’s life is chaos. She works full time as a teacher and waitresses on the weekends to make ends meet. And I’ve never once heard her complain, at least not without a helping heap of coping mechanism humor to cushion the blunt edge of her reality.

“So what’s the plan? You’re giving him time aren’t you?” She mocks me by drawing out the word “time” like a warm piece of taffy.

“Yes, yes I am.”

“How much time is time? And what does that mean? Are you two speaking or what? Is this a day? A week? A year? Oh, good idea actually. Please tell me it’s at least a year. That way I can put it on my calendar in big red pen: “Drama Club Meeting with Audra.”

“We didn’t define a timeline and I didn’t feel like it was necessary. When I left the station he was so sweet. He texted me telling me I am unbelievably understanding and that I have such big heart. And we’ve been emailing a bit. So yeah, we’re still talking. I don’t think this constitutes breaking up, it just means we’re backing off a bit from seeing each other for the time being.

“Mmmmm. Hmmmm.”

“Stop saying that!”

“Stop saying what?”

“Mmmm, hmmmm. Like you think I’m nuts.”

“Ha!” Her laughter echoes through my ears. “Girlfriend, someone is crazy in this situation, and it is not you.”

“Come on.”

“Come on nothing. But I will say one thing. Nick has one thing right. You do have a big heart. A huge heart. Too big and too good for him. Because I’ll tell you something right now. I have a pretty good idea where all his ambiguity is coming from and I am just going to say it. Are you ready?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“No.”

“Fine.”

“Listen. I’ve been around the boy block and they’re not that complex. If anything, he doesn’t need time to figure out if you’re the one. He needs time to figure out which one.”

“What are you saying?”

“I am saying Nick’s still very much in this game. But you’re not the only pawn on the board. All signs point in one direction and one direction only.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes.”

She pauses but only briefly.

“Another girl’s got his attention and he doesn’t have the balls to tell you the truth.”

“Ok now I’m going to call bull shit. You’re wrong.”

“Let’s hope I am, honey. But guess what?”

“What?”

“Time will tell. Because where's there's smoke . . . ”

She stops. Letting the obvious dangle in the air for me to grasp on my own.

I surrender a sigh.

Pause.

And whisper.

"There's fire."