Are You Feeling My Mojo? And other True Tales of Dating Desperation.

“Do you have any dating advice for me?”

This question always cracks me up to no end. Somehow just because the URL to my blog has the word dating in it people make this wild assumption that I, well, know something about dating.

Hmmm. Maybe if I did I wouldn’t be so perpetually single?

Ok, pessimism aside, maybe my singledom is a sign that I DO know something about dating. After all, I didn’t run off into the sunset with a rebound right after my divorce, I refuse to compromise or settle, and I know exactly what my deal breakers are. (Meth habits and cowboy boots. Both equally appalling as far as I’m concerned.)

The guy who posed this question actually dated my friend, Naomi, ever so briefly. As in I’ve had colds that have lasted longer. Regardless, because of this minimal exposure I was pseudo aware of how this guy dates women.

I debated briefly what to say to him. And decided I should just do him a favor and rip the band aid off.

“Dude, don’t try so hard.”

Because really, with Naomi anyway, he did try too hard, way too hard. He texted her too much, he wanted to know if she was “feeling the mojo” about ten minutes after meeting (no commentary on his usage of the word mojo, that’s in a category all its own), and he asked questions that read like the email surveys I get from my Aunt Bertha. (Knowing a woman’s favorite color isn’t exactly the kind of information that’s going to really signify happily ever after, is it? Would the response really ever be, “Red? Really? You like red? This is so over. I really pegged you for chartreuse.”)

The guy is a great guy but he really just needs to chillax.

I told him: “Treat a romantic interest kind of like you’d treat a new friend. Let it flow. Get to know each other. And really, what is the rush? Last I checked an asteroid is not hurtling toward Fargo. No need to do the fifty yard dash to the alter. Stop trying to force it.”

After all, for as simple as it sounds, there is this complex mystical magic called chemistry that needs time to develop. You start with physical attraction, then you find out if can stand talking to this person for more than 20 minutes, and then you just . . . well? See. Discover each other. After all, it takes a hundred years for an oak tree to reach its majesty. I’m not suggesting you try for second base when you’re both in a retirement home, but I am saying:

Don’t rush.

And of course: be yourself. Don’t audition. Don’t try to be witty. Don’t try to be charming. Just be you. The right person will find you witty and charming. They will. If you have to construct it, then it’s not authentic and you’re just going to look like you're getting relationship strategies from email forwards when you start asking things like, “What’s your favorite winter activity and why?”

Instead, stick to something more like this: “How was your day?”

The beauty of my advice is found in its simplicity. Because really, the people you filter through when you are genuinely yourself, the ones you took time to discover . . . when those dating adventures didn’t go anywhere? Celebrate. You can know for a fact Jack, none were “the one.”

As for this guy? Yeah, that’s a pretty easy one if you ask me. My prediction is the woman he’s looking for will be the one who’s still voluntarily still standing there.

Long after he’s used the word “mojo.”
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The individual I used as inspiration for this story gave my perspective his blessing. I am very careful about not being too critical of others when it comes to matters of the heart. Thankfully, he's a huge blog fan of mine and he found this story humorous and didn't mind my using him as "material" at all. At the end of the day, we're all just doing the best we can . . . and to those of you who are single and hope to maybe someday fall in love? Well, I've been told that "He is out there, Audra, and he is looking for YOU." And I believe that's true for all of us. So just be yourself . . . and God won't let you fall.

Muah!
~Audra