Dear Daphne . . .

I didn’t know.

I didn’t know back in the beginning of April that the very witty guy who emailed me on Match.com and made me laugh had been making you laugh since December. I didn't know he'd told you he'd deactivated his online profile months ago.

I didn’t know that when he and I met for drinks a week later that you assumed he was spending the evening with his children. When he and I visited over Pinot and he told me he hadn’t dated in a long time I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to believe him.

A week later when I appeared on the radio to promote my blog I didn’t know that when he texted me afterward to ask me to dinner that he always made excuses to not go out in public with you.

The first week in May when he sat in my kitchen for hours and talked with me after helping me put an old appliance on the curb for spring cleaning week I didn’t know that you were going to attend a Butch Walker concert with him that weekend.

As the weeks progressed along with my relationship with this charming man I didn’t know you even existed.

When he played sports in the evenings I didn’t know that afterward he went to your house to shower and spend time with you. I thought he was doing paperwork.

When he came to fix my daughter’s swing set, the kid I’ve nicknamed “Monkey,” I didn’t know there was a woman to whom he’d assigned a similar term of endearment to and that you were his “little monkey.”

In June when I asked him if he was dating anyone else as he laid on my bed and kissed me, I didn’t know that when he said “No” he was promoting a charade.

When I told him about how I'd been betrayed in a relationship last year I didn't know you'd shared a simliar loss and that he was well aware of how fragile the hearts were that were in his hands.

When I commented on his clothes I didn’t know you’d bought them for him.

When I asked him if we could change our Facebook status and he said no and made fun of me for being juvenile because Facebook is stupid I didn’t know I should question his reasoning.

When I introduced him to all of my friends as my boyfriend at the end of June I didn’t know that I was sharing him.

I didn't know that he had segregated his life into two social circles.

One with you.

One with me.

When his children were out of town and he invited me to stay at his house I didn’t know that he was choreographing time between the two of us and that you were invited the next night.

When he asked me to park in the garage because the mosquitoes were bad I didn’t know he was hiding my car.

All these other couples that the two of you would hang out with together are names I never heard. I didn’t know those people existed.

When he started to resist being out in public with me I didn’t know it was because he had something to hide, I thought it was because he wanted to hold me in his arms in private.

When he cancelled on me last minute as I was preparing to join him at the lake with his friends and children I didn’t know he did that because you were already there.

When he texted me on my birthday when I was out of town I didn’t know he couldn’t call me because you were sitting right beside him.

I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to believe him when he said he was having second thoughts about having me spend an afternoon with his children and that the real reason was because you were with him.

When he was always busy working or spending time with his kids I didn’t know I was supposed to question those good things and that instead those were the times he was with you.

I didn’t know someone could be so cruel. I didn’t know someone could lie so often and so effortlessly. I didn't know someone could be so calculating. I didn’t realize that deceit existed on this level. I didn’t know that someone could fabricate untruths with such ease. I didn’t know that when he told me my expectations were too high and that if I wanted a real relationship I needed to slow down that he was only trying to buy more time to continue his cunning charade.

I didn’t know he was a cheating on you.

I didn’t know he was cheating on me.

I simply.

Did not know.

But now I do.

And you do too.

From April to July we were not treated as people worthy of compassion and honesty, we were treated as pawns in a giant game of control and deception. But that game is over and if I know anything now, Daphne, I know this:

You will stop crying. You will get out of bed. You will find your strength and voice again and you will go on. You will be resilient. You will learn a lot about yourself. You will find threads of force within your being that you did not know existed. And you will weave those threads into a rope that you will use to propel yourself forward, to pull yourself up out of this hole that you did not dig but were thrust into. For you are a woman, a strong woman, a woman who will not give the power to this flawed and awful man to determine your self worth and value as a human being.

And even though today you can’t fathom this truth, I know it with all my heart and soul:

You will forget him.

I will forget him.

And I will be there with you, my sister in sadness. As will every woman who has ever hurt so deeply she has felt her soul vaporize like a gasp in that awful instant when lies become truth.

I know today it hurts. It hurts terribly. I'm crying too.

But I also know after all these awful days stretch out there will be a day when the sun shines on our hearts again.

And I know.

We will go on.

Heads held high. Scars and all.

Hold on to me. I won't let you drown.

Love and blessing, let's make this ugly thing beautiful. Here's to shining new friendship in the darkness.

~Audra

(Always here for you "Blondie" . . . love "Chronicle Girl" . . . )